Restraint

This is my company’s first blog post, and in a way it sets the tone for the company itself.

I was speaking with a friend by phone today, and after a long conversation, ownership of this site was brought up. I discovered that he was in the kinky-orbit, but that he never even thought about (or at best rarely considered) the sort of thing I’m into.

That’s not a knock on him. First, I had no idea he was anything other than vanilla. Second, he didn’t know that about me, either. And third, I realized I knew the exact moment in my life I became aware that I wasn’t in to what his specific niche was. As a consequence, I had not explored that side of the map.

We have a tendency to lock into our fetishes and kinks because they fit, but maybe in learning, in explaining, we can figure out what others love, and why.

Some like sprinkles, some like chocolate syrup, I happen to like gummy bears.

I thought I would take a moment to explain what it is to me. Why it fascinates me, what it does and how it makes me feel.

If you’re shopping here or perusing the catalog there’s a good chance the following is of little use to you. If you’ve been sent this however, maybe there’s some utility in it.

Before I begin in earnest, I want to clear up a few things. For me there is a power dynamic in restraint, though for others there need not be. You can self restrain if you like the feeling. There’s a whole section of kink devoted to ice locks and magnetic locks on a timer. Some persons, attempting to pass as another sex may engage in chastity. Or perhaps chastity is a part of sissy play. Or perhaps chastity is a part of a power dynamic.

Or perhaps that person just likes how it feels.

You cannot look at the experience of one person and decide it is the explanation for an entire branch of the kink tree. Sissy play and transgenderism are not the same. Neither need to involve a power dynamic, pleasure, or pain. We all like what we like for distinct reasons and my enjoyment of restraint, punishment, breathplay, edgeplay, and all other manner of kinks makes me neither better nor worse than anyone else in the community so long as everything is done with an awareness of risk and enthusiastic consent.

What I love is being powerless.

Even before I managed twenty people, I was in charge whether by being a subject mater expert, a platoon sergeant, or simply someone who spoke with confidence. That was my outward appearance, and it requires effort to put up. I’ve built a career on being that person and I must continue to be that person.

But it’s exhausting.

I can’t let it go. But it’s an effort to keep up.

Restraint lets me not be in charge. I have a problem accepting pleasure. I will self-deny an orgasm at the drop of a hat. I don’t know why, but I do and will.

If I’m restrained, I have no choice but to let that orgasm come. I have no choice but to take whatever comes. It appeals to my sense of fatalism, and for once I can relax and let myself anticipate something. My partner would never hurt me, especially in a way that was not prenegotiated and agreed on. But I still don’t know what’s next.

What I love more than restraint however is restraint combined with sensory deprivation.

Blindfolded? All I can do is listen and guess. Blindfolded and gagged? listen, guess, but now I’ve lost the ability to meaningfully protest. Headphones? On top of all that?

Bliss.

Bliss doesn’t come easy. I have to trust her. I have to trust the situation, the privacy, the result and the idea.

When it does come however, I’m floating in subspace, helpless, hopeless, and all I can do is feel. When I’ve lost agency, suddenly my mind shuts up.

When I am restrained, I’m finally free.